Now that Zoey is one month old, I figured it is about time for me to finally write down her birth story. It took me a long time to organize my thoughts and figure out how to tell her the story of how she was born. This is going to be very, very long. I don't want to forget anything.
I had a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy. I got sick almost daily throughout my entire pregnancy, which was a bummer, but I survived it. Not always (or often) with a smile on my face, but I did it. Other than that, things went great. Zoey was a very wiggly baby even before she was born and kept me uncomfortable for about 4 months since she had a non-stop dance party going on in my belly. The positions she would get into! I have never been so uncomfortable! And the places she would put her feet! Oy! We knew she was going to be a wild one long before we ever laid eyes on her. She did funny things from the very beginning and Zoey loved her daddy from the first time she could hear his voice.
In the weeks leading up to her due date, my OBGYN would say "Anytime now. This baby will be here early. It could be any day." At 38 weeks she gave me permission to try to get the process going on my own. I walked, ate spicy food, jumped up and down, sat on a birthing ball, went up and down the stairs over and over (and over), took special vitamins, did accupressure massage until my pressure points were bruised and sore...no matter what we did, she was not going to cooperate. I was really trying to have her on Halloween since it's my favorite holiday and I thought it would be pretty awesome to have her on that day. October 31st came and went and there was no baby. Then Hurricane Sandy hit and my OB said that she thought for sure the low pressure system along with the full moon would send me into labor. Again, nothing. Clearly this baby has my stubborn temperament.
Because I had gestational diabetes, my doctor decided to induce me the day before my due date. They told me that she was going to be a big baby and that concerned my doctor. I thought I was okay with the induction process until I had to schedule it. I had a mini-meltdown in the doctor's office. I dreaded it for the next week. I did everything I could to get labor going on its own. I had been dilated to a 2 and was 80% effaced for a few weeks and all my valiant efforts weren't making anything else happen.
On Thursday the 8th we were asked to call the hospital and ask what time we were supposed to check in that night. I was terrified they were going to say something like 4 in the afternoon and I DID NOT want to be at the hospital for that long. I was very nervous when I called the maternity desk, but they asked us to be there at 6:30, which was better with me since it gave me a bit more time at home.
We got to Rochester and grabbed some dinner at Chipotle across the street from the hospital. There was no time to eat at the restaurant so we took it with us and figured we would eat in the room. When we parked and started loading up our stuff to take into the hospital, we could not stop laughing at how much stuff we had brought! It looked like we were moving in forever.
After we checked in, they left us to get settled in our room. I was so nervous! I ended up throwing up half my dinner. (Gross, I know.) Then the water works started flowing. I HATE hospitals. They are so artificially sterile and yucky smelling. I kind of had a breakdown for a minute. My nurse came in and started asking me all the intake questions which took my mind off of the fact that I was hating every second of being there for a little while. She put in my IV and got me all set up for the next morning. One of the PAs came in and did a quick ultrasound to make sure everything was alright with the baby. After we got the green light from her, they hooked me up to a fetal heart monitor, put this medicine on my cervix, and left us to ourselves for a while. The nurses were in and out every hour to check my blood pressure and take my temperature. They kept saying, "Try to get some rest." HAHA!
I finally fell asleep (despite my uncomfortable IV, constant beeping in the room, Grayson's snoring, the awkward heart monitor, and the butterflies in my stomach) but was woken up soon after by a woman screaming. Instantly I starting crying again. I had never had a baby before and had no idea what to expect, so I figured it was going to be THAT bad. And I was incredibly freaked out. I think I kept saying "I changed my mind! I changed my mind!" to Grayson. Ha!
We made it through the mostly sleepless night. They came in and took the medicine out that they had inserted the night before and checked me. I still hadn't dilated or effaced any further. My doctor warned me the pitocin could take up to three days to make my body go into labor. I about passed out thinking about three days of laying in the hospital waiting and not sleeping. My sweet nurse brought in a rocking chair for me to sit in and let me take a shower. I was very grateful to her.
They started me on pitocin at about 10:00. I sat in the rocking chair and rocked for a long time. I started having some small contractions, which seemed like a good sign. Grayson kept suggesting that I watch TV or a movie or play on my phone. I just wanted to sit and rock and focus on mentally preparing myself. My nurse made me get into the bed for a while to try and rest some more. I fell asleep for a bit and woke to another woman screaming. Awesome. Again, I started crying because it was just so scary! Clearly, there would be no more sleeping after that. I was so worried about having enough energy to push a baby out when I was running on little sleep. I decided to get back in the rocking chair and try to relax.
At 2:00 my OB came in to check me again. I was 3.5 cm dilated and 90% effaced. She told me that I was on the brink of being in active labor and that we would probably be ready to have a baby in about 8 hours. Grayson and I were so excited! Just 8 more hours! By that time I was having some pretty painful contractions in my lower back and abdomen. Everyone kept suggesting that I stay in bed and lay down, since that is supposedly the most comfortable position when you are having back labor. (Zoey had her head tilted back and was putting a lot of pressure on my low back. Naughty girl!) I laid there for about five minutes, then decided I would rather be in the rocking chair because the bed was not comfortable for me. My doctor offered to get me my epidural, but told me that I would have to stay in the bed after receiving it. That was just not an option for me at that point. I really wanted to be in the rocking chair. 8+ hours stuck in a hospital bed sounded like a terrible idea.
They offered me a different drug called nubain that could be injected directly into my IV. The nurse said it would just "take the edge off" of the contractions and maybe help me sleep a little. It sounded fine to me. Pain relief was definitely a priority. She gave me the drugs and within 30 seconds, I started feeling dizzy and sleepy. I think my exact words were, "Oh no! I need to get into bed NOW or I am going to fall out of this chair."
The next 90 minutes are a blur. I remember being helped into bed and covered with my blanket. I remember waking up in a lot of pain over and over again I remember trying to tell Grayson that I was ready for my epidural, but not being able to figure out how to form the words. I remember feeling scared and grouchy and heavy. Grayson says that I was waking up with a start saying, "Ow ow ow ow OW OW OWW!" or "Why is this happening to me?" (I have some fuzzy recollection of this.)
GRAYSON: Fuzzy indeed. Sam would slip into a coma for 3-5 minutes only to wake up abruptly, wide eyed and misplaced, for 30 seconds of pain until she slipped back into her vegetative state. Being the first time dad and the doctor saying we had
at least 7-8 hours to go I assumed this cycle was to be expected and would continue until she became the mouth foaming maniacal Hollywood version of a pregnant woman for which I was preparing myself mentally. Just to be sure, I did inform our nurse about her behavior and got the response of "Oh, she's just alarmed because she's waking up in the peak of the contraction. She still has a way to go." Well OK then, proceeding as planned. Eventually, Sam did become coherent enough to
gently request order me to retrieve the nurse for the epidural. Feeling that we should delay that event until later I suggested that we wait another five contractions. After taking this advice into consideration (< 2 seconds), Sam rejected my hypothesized schedule with contempt and sent me on my way out the door with an encouraging "HURRY!" I hurried. It should also be noted that during her delirious contractions Sam was very concerned about being too loud as to not scare any other expecting mothers who might find her shushed coos of pain alarming. "Am I being too loud? I don't want to scare anyone." - the Mother Teresa of all pregnant women. SAM NOTE: "I REALLY was quiet, you need to write that!"
She was; I can validate this claim.
Then some nurses came in for a while since the anesthesiology team was busy on another agonizing woman at the time, much to Sam's chagrin. Yet soon enough (depending on who you ask, although Sam was pretty patient considering what was happening) they came with their tables and boxes and giant needles, quite the motley crew I do remember thinking, and began to encourage Sam to sit up and be still. Two things that were difficult as a first time substance user. In the mists of this process of not being still and then being told to be more still, Sam apologized with great sincerity to the team for being so sweaty, an offense for which she was sorely repentant. Their prep time seemed to take forever (I couldn't see anything because they made me sit in front of Sam to be used as a hunching device) but when they were finally ready it was suggested that Sam get checked by the OB/GYN before they administer their harpoon into her spine. Sam told them, "Don't check me, I don't want anyone touching me." The look on that little Asian man's face was priceless. They all looked around, waiting for someone to step up and be in charge and make a decision as to whether or not they were going to tell the crazy pregnant lady she needed to be checked first. No one volunteered so they obeyed the patient's command. (Good thing too because they would have said no to the epidural had they checked her. We were too far along.) The stars aligned during a brief 15 seconds between contractions enough for a successful delivery of the juice and it was all downhill from there, just in time for Sam to become her old, friendly self again.
SAM: I need to interject that somewhere during all that craziness, my nurse kept asking me if I felt a lot of pressure in my bum since I kept lifting myself off the table while they were trying to put the epidural in. I had no idea what was going on since I was still pretty out of it. I think I said, "Yes. No. I don't know." Long story short, I WAS feeling a lot of pressure in my bum. I just didn't know how to say yes. In fact, I had already starting pushing and didn't realize. Apparently, my water broke during the nubain episode. At that point, the doctor came in and checked me and she looked "up there" and lo and behold...a head covered in dark curly hair was already visible.
It was Go Time. They told me to push on my next contraction so when it hit I started pushing. I guess I'm pretty good at the whole "birthing thing" because each time I got complimented by the doctor on Zoey's progress. I pushed until her head was halfway out, then realized that I was not completely numb. That freaked me out. Everyone kept saying, "Push, Push," but I was too scared. I thought the next push was going to hurt a lot since I did not have an episiotomy and I was afraid of tearing and being able to feel it. I looked at Grayson and he told me to push. I figured he wouldn't tell me to do something that was going to hurt so I just did it. Then she was here, purple and not breathing. As they pulled Zoey the last way out her arm was raised up by her mouth with the umbilical cord wrapped around her arm and body three times. It was her arm that was keeping it away from her neck as she was being born. The doctor ordered to have the cord cut immediately (not our original plan) and had her taken to the warming table to be dried off and get her breathing.
GRAYSON: It was the first time I have experienced profound relief then joy then love then fear in a five second span.
Finally, she cried. I've never felt so relieved in my life.That cry was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Her temperature was low and the NICU nurses came in to take her but our nurse told them no, justifying that since my body temperature was low that the baby's would be as well. I will never be able to tell that sweet nurse how appreciative I am that she held her ground. We got to keep the baby with us and try to raise her temperature with skin to skin contact under the heat lamp in our room (that was already 85 degrees! I was a little chilly during labor and kept the room very toasty. I guess all the nurses were talking about how sweaty they were getting in my room the whole time.) After the nurses handed her to me, I apologized to everyone for being grumpy and assured them that I am not normally like that. I was still a little loopy, I guess! Funny enough, my OBGYN told agreed with me and told everyone that I really am a very pleasant person. Haha!
We were both so happy and amused by all the little things that Zoey was doing. From minute one she was already showing her little personality. The pouty lips, the grunts and growls, this was our girl and we were in love. She was perfect. The next two days we had her all to ourselves as we lived in suspended reality in our recovery room at the hospital, never letting her out of our sight except for the nurse who begged to hold her for a few hours while we got some sleep. She was a very popular little girl in the maternity ward, so delicate and tiny and beautiful. Grayson expressed a desire to "put her whole head in his mouth," she was that cute. I found that strange and alarming. (We read in his parenting book today that the author also felt the same instinct with his own kids! I guess men react this way to cute babies? I thought the desire to eat your own young had been bred out of humans?) The time came to check out and go home as a family for the first time. We had some struggles with the car seat and paranoia/anxiety driving home. Rookies. We were nervous to be without our personal team of baby experts at our beck and call. Somehow, we've figured out
some of what we're doing and we have managed to make it this long. And I think we're going to be okay now that we've gotten the hang of this parenting thing.
Being Zoey's mom is the better than I imagined it could be. She makes me laugh and smile all the time. My heart is just overflowing with joy and love. She makes me want to be a better person. I have never been this happy. My sweet little girl is the greatest blessing I have ever received.
Mommy and Daddy love you, little Zoey Bear. Don't you ever forget it.
